Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
