we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
