So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
