last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
