Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
