She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
