You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
