Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
