I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
