Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
