He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
