I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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