I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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