she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
