My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
