remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
