He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
