question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
