Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
