Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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