I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
