their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
and she was petting her beer can
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
