I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
