God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
