I wish my penis had an off switch
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
