Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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