Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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