I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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