Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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