Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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