I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
