glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
