i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize