I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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