Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ttyl tear gas
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
