Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
