I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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