If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
