I'm really into asian looking animals
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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