I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
