Pappa wants mamma naked
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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