We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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