You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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