Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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