The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
