if i can run in heels then i can drive
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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