I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
as a side note pls kill me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
