Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
