I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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