were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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