member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
