I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
