apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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