I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
