I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
