i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
