I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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