tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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