You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
