I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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