Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
