You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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