She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
