mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
