the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Floor bacon is actually really good
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
