You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
