I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
