There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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