I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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