She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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