In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
