glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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