toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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