u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
