also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
